GQ Magazine Labels ALL Cleveland Teams “Worst Sports Franchise”

Sep 25, 2013; Cleveland, OH, USA; Fans hold up signs during a game between the Cleveland Indians and the Chicago White Sox at Progressive Field. Mandatory Credit: David Richard-USA TODAY Sports

GQ magazine has decided to wade in on the worst franchises in professional sports of all times. After naming 19 individual teams, including some historic ones, they got creative with the “winning team.”

1. Every Cleveland Sports Franchise 
File under: Mistakes by the lake. Then more mistakes.

To the great people of Cleveland: Look, you gave us Harvey Pekar, and apparently you’ve got a world-class orchestra. But facts are facts, and since your city is, even now, synonymous with Akron-born LeBron James, let’s look at the curse of Cleveland sports from his perspective. Between the Browns, the Indians, and the Cavaliers, Cleveland last celebrated a title four years before LeBron’s mother was born—that’s a combined 152 seasons of futility. James ditched the Cavs not because he was the Whore of Akron but because he was the Oracle of Ohio. In his formative years, he witnessed Cleveland teams suffer The Drive (John Elway beating the Browns in 1987), The Fumble (Earnest Byner sabotaging the Browns in 1988), The Shot (Michael Jordan murdering the Cavs in 1989), and then The Move, when Art Modell decided Cleveland was such a hole he’d rather field his team in Baltimore. James surely knew that if he stayed in Ohio, some kind of ridiculous fate would befall him—The Hangnail, The Cramp, or maybe The Aneurysm. Hence: The Decision.

While anyone who has been a fan of any Cleveland teams for years can attest its not always easy being a fan. We may be the most torture fan base of all time. We also are most likely the most loyal group. While attendance at Indians games may wane, that may be more related to number of games and limited importance of each game. Cavs attendance has been steady even following the departure of Lebron James. Browns attendance always stays high even through regime changes, coaching changes and even the team moving.

Needless to say there are a number of franchises on this list that are “worse” then the Cleveland ones, heck some don’t even exist anymore. Collectively it is not a pretty sight when you look at all the negative things that have happened in Cleveland sports. Though we get knocked down, isn’t the old saying clear it is about how many times you get up? The teams continue to get up, they return from the grave and they will one day turn this Factory of Sadness into a Factory of Success.

Who is the Worst Franchise in Your Sports History? Love for you to weigh in with me on Twitter.

Topics: Cleveland Browns, Cleveland Cavaliers, Cleveland Indians, GQ

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  • Toddyus

    I did not see this artilce in GQ, but if I had to guess, it’s written by some coastal douche bag, who, while probably well traveled internationally, has spent precisely zero time more than 100 miles away from either the Pacific or Atlantic.

    Hard to deny the history of Cleveland sports franchises, but the cheap shot at Cleveland as a town is lame and says more about the writer than it does about Cleveland (or, for that matter, other Midwestern cities often subject to the same myopic ridicule.)

    • Jared Mueller

      Glad to know I have at least one really smart reader, the use of myopic is impressive (well paired with douche bag earlier)

      Agreed the franchises haven’t had great histories but that is over generalization. Each team has had their time. Browns very long ago, Indians in the 90s and the Cavs with Lebron. Almost a decade of high level competitiveness by each franchise. Coastal bias is always interesting. Thanks for the read.

  • My Shocked Face

    F-U, GQ!

    • Jared Mueller

      Tell us how you really feel… LOL… Have you ever read GQ? Subscribed?

      • My Shocked Face

        Read? Yes. Several times. Never felt it was worth the money to subscribe.

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