Factory Of Sadness
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Cleveland Indians all-time mustache team

By Nick Dudukovich

1990: AN UNIDENTIFIED CHICAGO WHITE SOX RUNNER SLIDES INTO SECOND BASE AS CLEVELAND INDIANS INFIELDER FELIX FERMIN TURNS A DOUBLE PLAY DURING THE INDIANS GAME AT INDIANS PARK IN CLEVELAND, OHIO. MANDATORY CREDIT: RICK STEWART/ALLSPORT
1990: AN UNIDENTIFIED CHICAGO WHITE SOX RUNNER SLIDES INTO SECOND BASE AS CLEVELAND INDIANS INFIELDER FELIX FERMIN TURNS A DOUBLE PLAY DURING THE INDIANS GAME AT INDIANS PARK IN CLEVELAND, OHIO. MANDATORY CREDIT: RICK STEWART/ALLSPORT /
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9 Mar 1998: Pitcher Paul Assenmacher of the Cleveland Indians in action during a spring training game against the Houston Astros at the Chain of Lakes Park in Winter Haven, Florida. The Astros defeated the Indians 10-4. Mandatory Credit: Rick Stewart /
9 Mar 1998: Pitcher Paul Assenmacher of the Cleveland Indians in action during a spring training game against the Houston Astros at the Chain of Lakes Park in Winter Haven, Florida. The Astros defeated the Indians 10-4. Mandatory Credit: Rick Stewart / /

Paul Assenmacher, LHP

Paul Assenmacher probably owns one of the greatest mustaches in middle-relief history, so you’d better believe the left-handed specialist is on this list.

His ‘stache was as upfront as facial hair could be. The Michigan native, who began his career the Atlanta Braves wasn’t going to overpower you, but he was going to throw a curveball so wicked that you’d be suffering ‘stachemares throughout the night.

Just ask some of the era’s greatest hitters.

Assenmacher’s wicked offspeed stuff froze the likes of Mo Vaughn, Jose Canseco, Ken Griffey Jr. and Jay Buhner during the Tribe’s run to the 1995 AL Pennant.

The crafty lefty was recently in town where he talked about the toughest out he had to get a major leaguer.  You’d think it would’ve been Griffey, but Assenmacher said B.J. Surhoff was the biggest pain in the rear.

Assenmacher played in 884 games during his career, which is the 30th most among Major Leaguers. When you consider how long baseball’s been around, that’s quite an astonishing fete.

Do mustaches equal longevity? You can’t prove that it doesn’t, especially in Aussie’s case.

Assenmacher signed with the Indians in 1995. He retired following the 1999 season, having appeared in 309 games during his five-year stay in Cleveland.

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