The Cleveland Browns 10 step basement drafting survival guide

The Cleveland Browns and the NFL will handle the 2020 NFL Draft the way many fans have done their fantasy football drafts; at home in their basement.

Ok, maybe ‘basement’ isn’t where they’re going to be drafting players. Maybe it’s more like their den, office, or well, yeah – basement. As a former member of the fantasy football draft culture, I can tell you I’ve spent many (two) years drafting football players in a person’s basement. Due to this, I’m very qualified to tell the Cleveland Browns some tips and tricks to optimize their 2020 NFL Draft process.

The Browns and every other team, along with league official will be handling draft duties from their homes this year, meaning hot pockets, nachos and pizza rolls for all! The Browns are sitting prettier than most, for once, as Andrew Berry has a computer science degree from Harvard. Yet, despite Mr. Ivey League himself being all tech-savvy, this is our world. Take heed, Mr. Berry and the rest of the Browns. These tips will ensure that you don’t bungle this draft.

1. Check the Wi-Fi

Is the router on, Steve? Are you sure? Are all the lights green? Ok, then you’re probably going to be ok. Probably.

2. Have food pre-made

This is a rookie mistake. Don’t make food during the draft! Have your wings delivered AT LEAST an hour beforehand. Then get the snacks on the table and for the love of God, DON’T USE YOUR FINGERS WITH THE GUACAMOLE. Where are you from, Pittsburgh? No one wants crusty food bits on a laptop or tablet. Ya heathen.

3. Have the dog/pets/kids properly secured

May I suggest taking everyone out for a run a few hours before the draft and tiring them out? This way your toddler now knows how hard a 10k race really is. If the kid’s too tired to venture downstairs, they can’t cause any problems. Nothing gets people angrier during a draft than when someone’s toddler yanks the Wi-Fi out of the wall.

Dang it, Steve. Every year.

4. Practice bathroom breaks

No one has time for your 10-minute mid-afternoon constitutional. You got 17.5 seconds. Start practicing. If NASCAR pit crews can change the oil, change four tires, and gas up a car in under 20 seconds, then you can shave off nine minutes. Eat some bran.

Also, don’t bring your rig with you into the bathroom. Rookie mistake.

5. MUTE YOUR MIC

Unless you need to be talking to someone, keep everything muted. No one needs to hear about your spouses’ best friend’s grandma’s dating life. Great, Suzan and Roy are back together. No one has ever cared less.

6. Check the Wi-Fi again

Is the Wi-Fi on? No? What the heck, Steve. Every year.

7. Have an updated talent roster

No one liked the guy who always picked Peyton Manning when he was with the Colts. No one really likes that guy anymore, because he still keeps picking Manning and he’s been retired nearly five years now.

8. Have your pick ready

If you don’t have ten options for every draft pick as your number comes up, you’re a fool. Get ready to take the name highest on your board.

9. Triple check with the commissioner that they heard your pick

This ain’t no game League-Commissioner Juan! I asked if you heard my pick!

10. Check the WiFi

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT’S GOOD AND HOLY, STEVE! AGAIN?!