With the Coronavirus causing the suspension of all major pro and collegiate sporting events in Cleveland, here are ten ways to occupy your time.
With sports no longer on the radar thanks to the coronavirus, that means fans in Cleveland are going to have some time to fill. Sure there’s a lot of family-related duties still to do. There’s also appointment-television and of course, the yearly tax collector coming in April, so it’s not like there’s nothing to do. Yet, assuming fans in Cleveland watch every game, that’s about eight hours a week you’re no longer accounting for.
Let’s also worry about fans who listen to 92.3 or that other sports station in Cleveland. They’re not hearing sports talk anymore. So what next? How do fans occupy all of those hours that would go to sports?
So I’ve devised ten items that all Cleveland-area and Ohio residence can do to occupy their time until Coronovirus 2020 passes us by.
(This is a satirical list, if you do anything on this list, that’s your own dumb-fault).
10. Have a BBQ indoors.
Let me be clear, I mean take the entire brick and mortar set up. Go into your basement, build a firepit, knockout a basement window and create your own indoor BBQ pit. It’s extremely reckless and dumb but by the time you finally get started on building it, it’ll be three weeks later and you’ll just forget about it and back to watching the Cavs.
9. Turn your basement into a swimming pool.
Just throw your hose in the basement and wait. Boom, 20-odd hours later, you have a five-digit water bill and a gross-as-hell inground pool. You baller, you.
8. Watch Game 7 of the 1997 World Series, and cry.
I do this twice a week already. Next.
7. Call your ex, tell them you still miss them even though it’s been a decade.
See number eight.
6. Stand outside and scream at the squirrels
Those little twerps have eaten your homegrown heirloom tomatoes for the last time!
5. Invent a new sport in your basement, form a union and then go on strike
Call it Lloyd-Ball, where the object of the game is to beam your friend Lloyd in the face. Wait the expected 13-17 minutes until he ultimately complains, and quits. Then blame him in all post-game media appearances for being a sport killer.
4. Learn the names of every Browns QB since 1999
Ever heard Yakko Warner from Animaniacs sing the nations of the world song? Do that song, but with the lyrics of all Browns quarterbacks.
3. Watch Game 7 of the 2016 World Series
While you’re at it, write fanfiction too. Center the story on how Jim Thome flew down from the sky in the 9th inning to win the game on a 12-run grand slam to deep right-center Chicago.
2. Come up with a new talking point to discredit Baker Mayfield
He’s only the second quarterback in the history of the franchise since 1980 to throw 20 touchdowns in back to back seasons, but sure, he’s worse than DeShone Kizer.
1. Memorize the lyrics to We Didn’t Start the Fire.
Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnnie Ray
South Pacific, Walter Winchell,……..nevermind. Too hard.